📝 Clairely Five-Star Madness: Totally Made-Up Reviews for Your Enjoyment Only

Look, we all know online reviews can be a bit... suspicious.
“This candle changed my life.”
“These stickers fixed my marriage.”
“Best thing I’ve ever bought and I’m 97.”

Let’s be honest — no one’s that thrilled about a scratch card.

So just for the craic, I made a few totally fake, completely ridiculous reviews — because sometimes you need a laugh as much as you need a wax melt.

But don’t worry — the real reviews?
They’re 100% verified and sitting happily over on Trustpilot, left by actual customers with actual orders.
No trickery. Just pure Clairely delight.

Now… enjoy these nonsense ones. And no, you can’t return your order because it didn’t scare your neighbour away.

 

🎫 Scratch Cards

“Sick of my wife always saying ‘I want nothing’ for birthdays, Christmas, every single occasion.
So I ordered a birthday scratch card… and put ‘Feck all’ under the scratch panel.
She got exactly what she asked for.
I got a phone thrown at me.
Worth it.”
– Paul, brave/stupid

“Bought 6 to prank the family at Christmas.
Only one had the actual surprise.
The rest said things like ‘you’re adopted’ and ‘Mam likes me best’.
I’ve been uninvited from next year.
Grand.”
– Shane, chaos merchant

“Caught my fella cheating, so I ordered one of the personalised boarding pass scratch cards.
Under the scratch-off?
‘I know about you and Megan. Now piss off.’
He thought he was off to Dubai — suitcase packed, shorts ironed.
Hope he enjoyed his one-way flight to Get Outta My House.”
– Anonymous (but iconic)

 

🧼 Stickers

“Labelled my fella’s car, toolbox, and PlayStation with ‘Sheila’s Fella’.
He didn’t speak to me for 3 hours.
Not because he was angry — he was trying to peel them off.
Stickers: 1. Himself: 0.”
– Sheila, Cork

"Used the name labels for school stuff.
My son stuck one on the principal’s car.
Said 'That way he’ll know who’s boss.'
I didn’t even correct him."
– Aisling, future PTA leader

 

🧼 Wax Melts

“Had one of the fruity ones on.
Neighbour popped her head in going,
‘Is that cake?’
No Mary, it’s not. Now back to your own gaff.”
– Joanne, sick of the street

“ClairelyYours wax melts make the place smell like I’ve cleaned.
Even fooled my mother-in-law.
Told her I scrubbed for hours.
In reality, I Febrezed the dog and lit a melt.
10/10.”
– Trisha, master of deception

“Bought ClairelyYours wax melts.
Now I keep getting visitors.
For feck’s sake ClairelyYours — love the wax melts, just don’t like people.”
– Niamh, social burnout but smelling unreal

 

Obviously, all of these reviews are completely made up, but let’s be honest — they sound like things that could actually happen.
Because when your house smells this good, people will show up uninvited, neighbours will linger, and your mother-in-law will think you’ve changed.

But if having a deadly smelling home is the price we pay for unwanted guests and raised expectations…
Well, Clairely, it’s still worth it.

Buy the wax melts.
Blame me for the consequences.